I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
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