soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
