areolas are like halos for boobs.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
