He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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