What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
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