i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
