Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
