Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
