I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm at about main and main street
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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