i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
