I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
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I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
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Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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