She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
