we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
