I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
