what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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