i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
