4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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