The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
