you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
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I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
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They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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