I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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