Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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