Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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