we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Randomize
