you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
