I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
