he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
