I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Randomize
