just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
