Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
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