She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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