I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
