I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
