Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
