Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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