nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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