Non-Jews are for practice
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
