did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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