I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
