the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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