i'm lost and i look like a hooker
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
