Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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