Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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