I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
