he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
