so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
