it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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