I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
