I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
