even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
My pussy is not your playground.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
