I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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