I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Randomize
