I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
