What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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