I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
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