Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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