i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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