Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Randomize
