i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
