it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
