what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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