your parents love me but you hate me
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
