I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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