my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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