I just saw a hot homeless man
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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