But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
