nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
that may or may not have been my penis.
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