Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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