the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
