I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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