What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
