woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
