I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
