you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
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just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
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He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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