Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
