just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
