I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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